My partner wants to have a traditional wedding, but I'm more interested in having something different, something more hip and personal. How do we reconcile this without it causing a huge rift in our relationship?

Stop worrying about The Big Rift and get on with the planning of the thing. Find out exactly what your partner wants. Maybe you can live with it, or part of it, or even like it. Then tell her/him exactly what you want. She/he may like that too. If need be, get a mediator or wedding planner. If it came to it, you could even split the day: your partner gets the wedding, and the after-party is yours. If you go this route, complaining is completely out of the question – if you both can't manage to truly enjoy your own celebration, grit your teeth and keep smiling. But, golly gee, you could have fun despite the fact that it's not all you. News flash: neither is the relationship.

I’m a 37-year-old gay man and my mother has accepted the fact that I'm in a committed relationship – but she refuses to see why I want to get married and she won't come to the wedding. How do I deal with this?

Pardon me for asking the obvious, but have you explained to her why you want to get married, calmly, clearly, patiently and lovingly? There are marriage rights organizations that can help you explain it to her from that standpoint. Call or write for the 12,862 reasons why you should be able to marry. Their list can also help you get your own clarity, emotionally and intellectually. The fact is, when we are clear within ourselves we are usually able to be much clearer with others. Of course, you could also consider having someone ask her to lunch at a fancy restaurant on the day of the wedding. When she’s all dolled up and on the way, they make a "wrong turn" and end up at the wedding. Oops! Finally, you could ask her to go to your wedding for YOU, because you are her son. If she refuses, this resentment would be a lot better than the other one. It will give you much more material to work on over the years in your therapy – if it hasn't already.

Since my father is no longer living, would it be inappropriate to ask my soon-to-be father-in-law to walk me down the aisle?

We also call this act of walking you down the aisle and passing you from your father's arm to your spouse-to-be's "giving you away." The inherent symbolism is that you are transitioning from your family to a new family, and your family is seen as blessing this transition by having your father give you away. In this context, having your father-in-law give you away may seem a little odd. You might ask an uncle, a brother or some other male relative from your side of the family. Be radical and ask a close female relative. Or skip the tradition altogether and work that runway yourself, sweetie!

Civil unions, is this marriage or not?

All of these labels! All of these states! How is one supposed to keep track of what's what? You really mustn't worry your pretty little head. Suffice it to say that in the US very few states have offered or are taking steps to offer the legal equivalent of marriage – some states offer a patchwork of other rights and privileges that they call Something, other states offer nothing but traditional, heterosexual marriage. Contact your state marriage rights organization to find out what your state offers. Nothing on the federal government level matters, as the federal government essentially enforces no civil rights in the area of marriage, only benefits for married people. It’s really about what it means to you, isn't it? You may not be satisfied with any of the current responses, and that gives you opportunities to act. You may be quite satisfied, and that allows you to choose your option. You may be somewhere in the middle – and that's what makes what's in the middle of your head and your heart the most important aspect of the equation.